That's intense
Welp...herpes.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
