I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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