at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
