"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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