he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
