i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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