I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
