Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
