I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
