She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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