after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Green mimosas i think yes
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
