If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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