i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
