Where did you get a picture of my penis
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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