eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
