my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Naked Twister starts at high noon
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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