Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
