you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
