Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
