Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
