So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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