You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
