My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
