She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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