why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
