on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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