just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
