i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
