I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize