i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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