fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
