i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
