I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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