I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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