i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
