i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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