erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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