I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
