He kissed a someone with a penis
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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