her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
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