About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
