i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
