Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
