He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
