And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
