I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
