Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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