ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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