I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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