All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
