I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
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