make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
