my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
