he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
