the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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