literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
