I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
