I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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