"it" just moved
I just threw up on my dentist
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
