you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You can't just leave with hair like that
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
