I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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