dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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