I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I will pee on everything he values.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
