some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize