Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
