did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
