Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Floor bacon is actually really good
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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