i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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