just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
