I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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